• Halloween on Parks and Rec: Mail Order Divas, Sherlock Traeger and Leslie’s campaign suffers

    April and Andy are throwing an epic Halloween party. What are you going to be? Eggplant’s already taken. Or are you going instead to Leslie Knope’s Meet ‘N’ Greet featuring the Entertainment 720 Mail Order Divas and mobile hot tub? Either way, get a (professional) haircut and get ready to par-tay.

    Leslie’s receiving PR tips from Entertainment 720’s own King of Self-Promotion, Tom Haverford. This is in preparation for the meet ‘n’ greet she’s hosting to ingratiate herself with local small business owners. The Nipple King of Kernston Rubber Nipples will be there, and Tom has prepared a dossier on the CEO, Martin Kernston, who has a hideous home-haircut and an allergy to chestnuts.

    April and Andy are also hosting a gathering. A grand Halloween bash is being planned, and they’ve invited everyone except their roommate Ben, who finds out about the party after getting beaned by a decorative skeleton booby-trap. This makes Ben so upset that he is forced to insinuate his displeasure by choosing to sit in his room during the party.

    Leslie’s not super psyched to find that her meet ‘n’ greet is decked out in E720 merch, including rugs with Tom’s face on them. But she still manages to mingle and gladhand with the likes of Sue of Sue’s Salads and the sleazeballs who run the waxing place. She gets a little tripped up when confronted by her “target,” The Nipple King, so Tom steps in to help out and railroads not only their conversation, but the entire meet ‘n’ greet to make it about E720. Leslie’s so incensed that she calls Tom a traitor. And a dick.

    The Halloween party is in full swing. Chris is Sherlock Traeger and quickly identifies everyone’s obvious costumes. Jerry: Mr. Potato Head. Donna: Police Woman. Some girl: the girl from The Ring. Ron is dressed in his evergreen pirate costume. He’s taken up a small home improvement project., because what else would you do at a party, and is dismayed by April and Andy’s “tool box” which is just a plastic bag filled with stuff like half a scissor and a flashlight filled with jelly beans. So Ron heads off to Lowe’s, then returns to the party, enlisting Ann (dressed as an eggplant) to help him because she has small hands.

    Andy and April confront Ben, dressed as lame, who is printing stuff out in his room. Ben flirts with getting pissed off, but holds it together. Chris’s guest, who is also Jerry’s daughter, shows up in a slutty ballerina outfit and allows Chris to grind up on her on the dance floor. Jerry’s agog. April, not missing a beat, un-Velcros the smiling mouth on Jerry’s costume and reaffixes it upside down. Ron and Ann are so satisfied with their fixing of the bathroom sink that they decide to tackle some more projects.

    Back at the meet ‘n’ greet, Leslie’s getting madder and madder at Tom’s hijacking. The last straws are the E720 Mailing List Divas (who look and act eerily similarly to the Gotcha Dancers and the mobile hot tub. Leslie climbs in (clothed) with a soaking Tom, and holds Tom’s head underwater while yelling at him. That’s when Tom announces that E720 is bankrupt. Shocker: Ben was right when he told Tom that the company would be bankrupt if he didn’t stop hemorrhaging cash.

    Andy is sick of Ben’s weirdness and wrestles him, just like he did with his five brothers at home, in the hopes that Ben will get good and mad. Ann has come into her own as Ron’s helper, spitting things like, “We’re going dark, people!” in the middle of the party. Once they switch off the fuse box to tackle the light fixture dangling by a wire in the bathroom, Ben and Andy bring the completely one-sided wrestling action to the middle of the party and Ben accidentally elbows Andy in the face, triggering a blood squib and breaking his nose. Andy’s so proud of Ben. And he’s heading to the ER to get that nose looked at. In the hospital, Ben finally admits his issues with living with Andy and April, number one of which is that he wants them to stop using his comforter for their “pillow forts.” Andy agrees, and when he breaks the news to April, she says, “Now where are we going to have sex?”

    Tom and Leslie make up over some whipped-cream topped waffles. Tom apologizes and Leslie forgives him, perhaps in part because he made her a video biography–of her life—for her campaign. She loves it so much that she’s going to have it projected on her tombstone. So, what have we learned? That fighting strengthens relationships, and that Ben needs a new comforter.

    Megan Gilbert

    Megan Gilbert is a Brooklyn-based writer, making her a mystical unicorn. She has written for the New York Press, Paste Magazine blog, Blush Media, Underwater New York. She writes ad copy for Gawker Media, holds an MFA in Creative Nonfiction from Sarah Lawrence College, and is working on a novel starring a mystical unicorn (jk). Read her work at ithardlymatters.com and follow her on Twitter: @ithardlymatt3rs

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