• Leslie Knope is pro 118 things for Pawnee: here’s the complete list

    Last night on Parks and Recreation, Leslie Knope’s run for city council heated up, as viewers met her opponent — Bobby Newport (played by Paul Rudd) — for the first time. Perhaps even more importantly, each candidate launched their first round of political television adds. Actually, we should reword that: Newport, with his rich family (and tremendous amount of free time), has unlimited funds and already produced a handful of spots, while Leslie’s campaign — headed up by boyfriend Ben — had just enough dough for one. And they squandered all their bucks when Leslie decided to stop the airing of the Ben-produced attack ad. So, to the Internet they went with a revised, Leslie-approved ad.

    But before Team Knope were forced to launch their viral version of a political ad, Leslie made her own, ultra-positive one. It was adorable and fun, but it lacked the teeth Ben thought it needed. But by the end of the episode, it was still the ad that stood out– to us, anyway. In the commercial, Leslie talks about a few things she’s “pro,” as in “I’m pro-environmental regulations.” But then she tosses to a rolling list of her other “pro” stances. The humor, of course, was in how long the list went on. But since we’re complete nerds, we wanted to know exactly what Leslie stands for. So we watched the commercial, like, a million times and typed out every last item on the list; there are 118. The list is below the ad. You are so welcome.

    More dog parks
    Senior citizens rights
    Safe streets
    Safe sidewalks
    Better schools
    Lower taxes
    Better parks
    Better business climate
    Better Better Business Bureau
    Cleaner streets
    Improve greenways
    More snow plows
    Protecting Pawneeans
    Improving tourism
    More trash cans
    Energy-efficient street lights
    Westside Detoxification and Revitalization Project
    Repaving Grand Avenue
    More teachers
    Fewer libraries
    Improve intergovernmental agency communication
    Clean-up Barefoot Lake
    Passing Pawnee Jobs Bill P-129.4
    Playgrounds in every park
    Playgrounds in every schoolyard
    Playgrounds in ever residential block
    Clean energy
    One police officer for every 5 citzens
    One park ranger for every 10,000 racoons
    Resodding Hilltop Cemetary
    Start talking to Cuba again
    Emergency Evacuation Drills
    Plow For Charity
    Forming an Ad Hoc Sub-Committee Oversight Committee
    Challenging the norm
    Pawnee Corn Subsidies
    Finally Passing PR-61, formally recognizing South Korea
    Official peace treaty with the Wamapoke Tribe
    Four-way stops at every intersection
    Unionizing ice cream trucks
    Get Europe out of debt
    Free trade with Illinios
    Enact RRP – Raccoon Relocation Project
    Pawnee Community College tuition in exchange for 4 years of public service
    Doubling Pawnee Hospital’s emergency room nurse staff
    Legalize Korean
    Lower the obesity level
    Stop global terrorism
    Re-open the toucan exhibit at Pawnee Zoo
    Find Gabe the Toucan
    More community gardens
    Ordinance 11F: To Re-pave City Sidewalks
    Budget Reform
    Updated Technologies For Local Schools
    Better retirement benefits for city employees
    Edward Phillips Senior Center Remodeling
    Speed bumps in front of elementary schools
    Unemployment benefits
    Re-instating the Main St. Farmers Market
    No turtles as pets
    New uniforms for youth sports programs
    Free Public Wi-Fi
    Updated childcare facilities
    Shutting down the Child Left Behind program
    Handicap parking placards for the obese
    Cleaner drinking water
    Regulate heights of trampolines
    Memorial for those lost in the trampoline “incident”
    Control the floods
    Funding for public art commission
    Fencing in correctional facilities
    New police patrol cars
    Funding overtime hours for police
    Rebuilding the PTA
    Prosecuting former PTA president Linda Tritle
    Profitable government organizations
    Shutting down underground shooting ranges
    Making sure city contracts employ local workers
    Providing more economic development grants and micro-loans to small businesses
    Foster partnerships with sister cities
    More buses to speed up morning commutes
    More streets to accommodate additional busses
    Require all city employees check and respond to email
    Working sewers
    More parades
    Grants for scientists to discover new forms of energy
    Leave a lasting impression on all visitors
    Challenge the norm
    Finish the statue of Burt Bacharach
    No more conflict diamonds
    Bulletproof glass everywhere
    Free cookies at every street corner
    One school for every student
    Require flattering mirrors in public restrooms
    Develop a municipal composting operation
    Enforce existing speeding and noise ordinances
    Upgrade existing parks
    Create an ant-graffiti, youth outreach program
    Free cake when it’s your birthday
    Reevaluate NAFTA
    Rickshaw Wednesdays
    Making it illegal to refuse a hug
    Make downtown more people-friendly
    Sell candy in government buildings to pay down the debt
    Get Pawnee a licensed pharmacy
    Better screening processes at local adoption agencies
    Finding homes for the adopted children of Day Labor Corp.
    Prop 6A: To Recognize All Five Food Groups
    Replacing all glass with plastic at Pawnee Psychiatric Clinic
    Curfew for minors at The Pawnee Mall
    Stop paying Sweetums the so-called “thank you for being here” tax
    Mini-golf renovations
    Subsidizing educational and eco-friendly businesses
    Removing Zorp from all written laws
    Reducing Federal Government Experiments in town to 10 per year
    Ordinance 8R: A Ghost Cannot Own/Inherit A Farm

    Laughspin Staff

    Oh, hey. We're the entire writing staff at Laughspin. We wrote the above article all together-- using one finger each.

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