• Tim Heidecker, Jesse Alkire demand Bubba Gump Shrimp Co stop selling shellfish in light of Hobby Lobby controversy

    Bubba Gump Shrimp Co.On Monday, the United States Supreme Court made a ruling in favor of Hobby Lobby, the Oklahoma City-based arts and crafts retail chain, allowing the ultra-Christian company to refuse insurance coverage of birth control that is otherwise available under President Barack Obama’s Affordable Care Act. So, why does Hobby Lobby have such a problem with contraception? Well, Hobby Lobby believes that some forms of widely used contraception (like the morning-after pill) amount to abortion — a concept not exactly embraced by conservative Christian groups – and that offering these options is an infringement on their Constitutional rights.

    Like most fundamental Christian arguments, however, Hobby Lobby’s argument is filled with contradictions, least of all is the fact the retailer, through their 401(k) plans, allows its employees to invest in pharmaceutical companies that make morning after pills or similar products. There’s also science, which totally gets in the way of Hobby Lobby’s argument. You see, morning-after pills don’t cause abortions; they prevent pregnancies from even happening. According to Susan Wood, a professor of health policy at George Washington University and a former assistant commissioner for women’s health at the FDA, “These products are not abortifacients. And their only connection to abortion is that they can prevent the need for one.”

    “But go look for consistency in religion,” George Carlin once said.

    Further calling out Hobby Lobby’s contradictory and archaic thought process, is comedian Tim Heidecker, who sent out the following tweet concerning the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. to his 401,000 followers this morning.


    Social media expert, ad writer and comedy writer Jesse Alkire answered the call. He posted a Change.org petition in less than 30 minutes. Drawing inspiration from Leviticus – the part of the Bible anti-gay protesters (and other horrible people) refer to when they want to prove ‘God hates fags’ – Alkire laid out the bit about shellfish being an abomination to God. The petition reads:

    Leviticus 11:10 — But anything in the seas or the rivers that has not fins and scales, of the swarming creatures in the waters and of the living creatures that are in the waters, is detestable to you.

    If the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. recklessly chooses to go against the wishes of our Lord, then we as Christians can stand against the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co., as is our right as AMERICANS but most importantly CHRISTIANS.
    The Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. openly proliferates the seafood lifestyle, which is unnatural and dirty, as stated by the Bible. If the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. continues to flaunt their immoral “values” while making a mockery of this country’s CHRISTIAN beliefs, then we can choose to not do business with them, because we as CHRISTIANS will NEVER be forced to support something we don’t believe in.

    It’s satire at its best, but will it change the minds of those who support Hobby Lobby’s decision to deny women contraception coverage? Not likely. Fundamentalist Christians don’t care about reason or progress or humanity. They don’t care to hear a logical, fact-based argument against their beliefs. Any moderately intelligent person who has read Leviticus or studied the reason for its inclusion in the Bible realizes that some of Leviticus makes sense based on historical context and the story of The Exodus. God (if you believe in that sort of thing) doesn’t hate gay people. God was trying to rebuild the Israelites’ society after that whole Egyptian enslavement thing. And two dudes having sex will do nothing to add to a population. So, maybe God hates inefficiency. And people who don’t understand biology. And if God exists, he/she/it probably hates Hobby Lobby.

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    Dylan P. Gadino

    Dylan is the founder and editor emeritus of Laughspin.

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