• 6 television couples who should be having sex

    It’s that time of the year when hearts and flowers and love are in the air— not to mention a spike in pints of ice cream bought by lonely single people (might we suggest Stephen Colbert’s AmeriCone Dream?). To that end, we thought it would be fun to play matchmaker with characters from some of America’s favorite television comedies. So, while you start making concessions as to which Match.com date you will settle for this week, check out who we paired up in the fictional world of network romance. Oh, and before you start commenting, we are fully aware that some of the below characters are already in long term romantic relationships. We’re breaking people up, ok? We know what’s best for them.










    Max Black (Kat Dennings), 2 Broke Girls shacks up with… Alex Green (Chris D’Elia), Whitney
    Our favorite quick-witted, busty waitress should hook up with the savvy Internet tycoon with a penchant for flannel shirts. Between a history of cheating sleazebags, one night stands and Daddy issues, Max deserves a good guy that can also keep up with her biting sarcasm. And Alex has proven he could do just that, during his three-year relationship with Whitney Cummings’ character; he’s more than capable of playing verbal table tennis. Plus, Alex is a romantic. I wouldn’t be surprised if Alex tried to pretend to not be wealthy in order to woo the 1 Broke Girl…only to cause an entertaining episode of comedy. It worked in Coming To America.









    Leslie Knope (Amy Poehler), Parks and Recreation snags… Andy Bernard (Ed Helms), The Office
    What a powerhouse couple this could be! We’re talking Andy Bernard, the Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin’s Scranton branch and Leslie Knope, who’s running for a City Council seat in Pawnee, Indiana, the town in which she was born, raised and still loves. Both of these characters are a bit on the zany and eccentric side. More importantly, however, the two wholeheartedly love what they do and are committed to their work. And they’re intense. So intense! I think these two were made for each other because they would probably drive anyone else insane. Sure, Leslie and Ben (Adam Scott) are madly in love— but we all know Leslie’s beyond-Type-A personality are going to eventually drive straight-laced Ben to drink.










    Dean Pelton (Jim Rash), Community gets together with… Cameron Tucker (Eric Stonestreet), Modern Family
    Okay. So Dean Pelton has not officially come out of the closet, but I think it’s safe to say that if you’ve watched Community, you know. The overly-enthusiastic Dean of Greendalde Community College has made many suggestive comments regarding his sexual orientation (mostly toward Joel McHale’s character, Jeff Winger) that he either later attempts to recant or ignore. Cue Cameron Tucker, the big bear of a queen from Modern Family. He has already put up with the internalized homophobia of his current boyfriend, Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson), so coaching the Dean through coming out would not be something new for him. Cam could go back to teaching music, but this time at Greendale! And then the two of them can go on dressing up as their favorite female pop culture icons together (although Pelton’s Lady GaGa made him look a lot more like Riff Raff).










    Meredith Palmer (Kate Flannery), The Office, hooks up with… Oleg (Jonathan Kite), 2 Broke Girls
    Both horny. Both unfortunate looking. Both terribly single. These two supporting characters are oversexed, but not by anyone in front of the audience. I propose we put these two together in a bar for a night just to see if there’s some chemistry. I may not believe in Oleg’s charm, looks or green card status, but I do believe that this guy has a lot of spark. Meanwhile, Meredith has sexually harassed married Jim (John Krasinski) enough in the office for us to assume that she likes to get down and dirty after work. I would not be surprised to run into this couple at La Trapeze (look it up).










    Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin), 30 Rock, should take out… Angela Martin-Lipton (Angela Kinsey), The Office
    The NBC executive and the accountant at Dunder Mifflin are two cold, condescending and judgmental individuals. If these two were together, I would imagine their perfect date: sitting down for dinner at a beautiful Italian restaurant, then mercilessly belittling the young waiter’s life choices while simultaneously coaching him with misplaced adages. Then they enjoy a glass of wine while insulting the people they work with. Bonus for Jack: We all know how he loves to judge the guys Liz Lemon (Tina Fey) dates; we’ve seen it more than ever on 30 Rock‘s current season with her new boy toy, hot dog vendor Criss (James Marsden). Jack would no doubt be able to finally force Angela to admit that her husband, Senator Robert Lipton (Jack Coleman) is totally not straight. As long as Angela can avoid talking about her love of feral cats during dinner, this date would go on for hours.










    Schmidt (Max Greenfield), New Girl, is seduced by… Max Blum (Adam Pally), Happy Endings
    If any fans of New Girl‘s Schmidt character are freaking out going, “No! He is not gay!” then please do this: type “is Schmidt” into Google. Before you finish typing “Schmidt,” the search engine’s top suggestion displays, “Is Schmidt on New Girl Gay?” One of Jess’ (Zooey Deschanel) roommates, the overly-macho douchebag of the group displays both homophobic and homosexual behavior, which was greatly evidenced during an episode wherein he obsesses over seeing one of his male roommate’s junk. He’s still a “man’s man,” though, and so is Max from Happy Endings. In fact, Max is the straightest gay man I’ve seen on television. Having already bragged about turning confused college boys, I’m sure that what Schmidt will think is just watching the game with a buddy will turn out to be a life changing realization.

    So, what do you think about our matchmaking skills? Visit the comments section and let us know who you think would make a great couple.

    Billy Procida

    Laughspin editor-in-chief Billy Procida is a stand-up comedian in New York City. He hosts The Manwhore Podcast where he talks to women he's hooked up with about sex, dating, and why they didn't work out. Reach him on Twitter.

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